the hardest one of all (5/14)

for a long time this page was blank.
i had so much to say to you
and so much i felt you didn't deserve to hear.
you were the hardest letter of all.
fourteen sheets and fourteen days
and i came to the conclusion that if
you don't want things to break
they can hold strong. but if this tug of war
turns into a one sided fight its easier sometimes
to just let them break.
i was never easy, i was never weak
and i was never uncertain.
but you were all of the above and to those
who lie to you, including yourself
there is no one to blame but you
because as unwilling as i was to figure things out
i was just as unwilling to let you go.
this is what best friends do
and because of this i don't know if you will know another
who will be as dedicated to you as i was
because you will never be able to let someone in
this way again.
the worst part was the questions left unanswered
"why?"
and the face that after all of that
i was still willing to try.
but that was a long time ago
and even if you still look at me with anger
or some other equivocal emotion
someday you will know
and i am already long gone.

                            we don't owe each other anything.
                                                                   but thank you for so many great memories
                                         that i still love to remember. 
                                                                           i will never deny how important you were to me.
                            but things have changed for the better.