sucker for punishment (7/14)

the sad song you can't play
is skipping for my ears
over, and over and over
you're a sucker for punishment
and i'm your weakness.
two summers and one long winter
later.. we've made it this far
stumbling and holding tight
to each other
and i've made you stay when things get tough
we fit like puzzle pieces
but you haven't yet seen the idea
of a
glass heart that is yours.
teetering on the edge of his unsteady hands
the pieces i picked
so carefully back in place
ready to break on command.
you will never know what it is to be whole
but you will never know what it is to be without love.
be careful, there is nothing more i can do for you
unless you are again broken.

                                  because we are best friends
                                             we don't apologize for our faults
               we automatically forgive freely- without question.
                         i just can't bear to see you hurt- without reason
i love you and you've saved me from sure sadness, this you know.
                  i'll be here for you, waiting, but please come back whole.

easy today. (6/14)

you are not a person
you are not capable of hurting anyone 
but your walls hold my weakness
where my strengths dissipate into nothing
of value.
to those who succumb to you- and there are many-
i have turned around
and you've become my strength
perhaps not under the best conditions
for it is strength born from hate
and anger 
and walls built from my faults
that you've been so kind to point out.
therefore,
we owe each other nothing
and four years without option
i've made myself some.


to those who pass through your doors
i have one message :
stay strong. you leave at the end of the day
but the things you do and things you say can always
leave with you. 
get through it. there is much more waiting out there. that i am sure of.


always keep a piece of yourself, so that if what you've given is taken away
you still have something left.


i could say so much more,
but i'll sign this off with a


.. since i'm leaving, thank you for some good and bad times
showing me every rung of the social ladder
but i don't owe who i am today to you,
i owe it to me. 
i won't make that mistake. 

the hardest one of all (5/14)

for a long time this page was blank.
i had so much to say to you
and so much i felt you didn't deserve to hear.
you were the hardest letter of all.
fourteen sheets and fourteen days
and i came to the conclusion that if
you don't want things to break
they can hold strong. but if this tug of war
turns into a one sided fight its easier sometimes
to just let them break.
i was never easy, i was never weak
and i was never uncertain.
but you were all of the above and to those
who lie to you, including yourself
there is no one to blame but you
because as unwilling as i was to figure things out
i was just as unwilling to let you go.
this is what best friends do
and because of this i don't know if you will know another
who will be as dedicated to you as i was
because you will never be able to let someone in
this way again.
the worst part was the questions left unanswered
"why?"
and the face that after all of that
i was still willing to try.
but that was a long time ago
and even if you still look at me with anger
or some other equivocal emotion
someday you will know
and i am already long gone.

                            we don't owe each other anything.
                                                                   but thank you for so many great memories
                                         that i still love to remember. 
                                                                           i will never deny how important you were to me.
                            but things have changed for the better.

unlike me. (4/14)

thousands of rushing moments
should not have stopped
what we
may have been
had the timing turned out right
and i hurt you. 
i lost you
and losing you was
the easiest part of all
when i finally felt
i was too strong
or too weak 
to go back but it
doesn't matter
i could have never been
any better for you
you took me at my worst
and i left you at my best


        i hope you can forgive me.
                                         i  loved you as best i could
                 and the butterflies weren't a lie. 

let me hold you, for the last time. (3/14)

we are all ghosts
living under the same roof
existing
in same and
different times.
touching fingertips
when the clock allows
us a moment
in many ways we are one
i crave your sweet whispers
seek your
soulless eyes.
                
                   and i forgive you
                                         because i owe who i am today
                   to you,
                               all of you.

Safety -Net- (2/14 Letters)

3 is a crowd
So who was to leave?
I never understood
You kept me close
Like a lover
Or more than a friend?
Is there a difference?
Yes.
Because there was a 3rd option
Me.
I was your safety net.
But when she finally let you go
I was tangled strings.
                        You are forgiven.
                                     Because you taught me that sometimes
                                  you have to let it go
                                                    without any answers at all.

Chess Game (1/14 Letters)

--♥ you charmed me
--♥ i followed and fell
--♥ you are the master of your game.
--♥ I thought I was the Queen
--♥ When I realized too late 
--♥ I was just a pawn.
--? Disposable.


you are forgiven, because you taught me to look before I leap.

have some..

empathy.
your duty today, if you've decided to try the empathy book, is to pay it forward.
call someone you miss,
talk to someone you haven't talked to in a long time.
tell someone you love them, even if they know it already. it's nice to hear.
come to a realization about yourself,
and admit defeat.
let someone win an argument because at the end of the day it's just not worth it.
at the end of the day we have a deafining clarity that explains
the world a little bit better in silence.
time to think
time to breathe
time to wonder about the what-ifs.
don't let yourself shut yourself against everything and everyone else
because all you will be left with is
what-ifs.
it's as tiny as a hug
it's as big as forgiveness.
let it happen or let it be.
i'm working on doing all of the above
and because nothing or no one is ever perfect
i haven't the strength or guts to do it yet.
thats why you work on it. baby steps and one day at a time.
but i promise you whatever you do i throw myself into
with the equal amount of determination, as all of you.
the same as i ask of all of you..
good luck,
and kudos, to us all.